When I was in the third year of high school in 1969, I had an opportunity to rethink about whether I should study hard for university entrance exams to enter the university or involve in a student movement for a social revolution.
As I was reading through some philosophy books and debated with my friends everyday, eventually the conflict in my heart grew more and more. And then I started to ask myself why we need to suffer so much to live and couldn't even sleep.
When I fell to the bottom and felt deeply depressed, I noticed that “I” myself was already contaminated by the massive competition of the university entrance exams that I really was opposed to. And as I was studying for the entrance exams, I was caught in an illusion that there was an answer to every question.
But finally I realized that there might not be answer to the question “why do we live?” So that day on, I started to feel like I had nothing to loose then I was able to survive and decided to enjoy the rest of my life.